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Helpful Tips for Adoptive Parents
By Shay Bilchik
 (ARA) -Today, nearly 1 million children in the
United States call their adoptive parents “Mom” and
“Dad,” and this year 120,000 more children will be
added to that growing family. The decision to open your home
to a child will certainly change your life in every way imaginable
-- and a few ways that you probably can’t imagine. But if
you’re considering adoption, know that your unique decision
will put you in good company, in more ways than one.
In fact, according to the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse,
a majority of Americans have been personally affected by adoption:
Six out of 10 people have either adopted a child themselves,
placed a child for adoption, or know a family member or close
friend who has done so.
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Many prospective adoptive parents
have heard myths about the need to hire an attorney before even
considering adoption, or rumors about the thousands of dollars
in legal and administrative fees. In reality, the cost to adopt
a child in foster care can range from nothing at all to a very
minimal expense -- for a relationship that’s often priceless.
A 2002 study conducted by Howard
and Smith (Howard and Smith, in press) found that most adoptive
parents believe that adoption agency personnel prepared them
quite well for the challenges they faced, and they agreed that
adoption has affected their family very positively. |
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Most adoptive parents find the
experience of raising their children a rewarding one that has
helped them forge a close bond to their adopted children. Like
most mothers and fathers, when asked about parenting, they’ll
tell you the experience can be delightful and joyful, yet sometimes
challenging. Of course, adoptive parents need to be realistic
and open to asking for post-adoption services and supports if
they anticipate potential problems.
The Child Welfare League of
America offers the following tips for adoptive parents:
* Start the process by doing
your homework. Learn all you can about how adoption works in
your state. Seek the advice and services of the state or county
child welfare agency or an established, licensed adoption organization
in your community.
* Ask for all the information
that can legally be provided about your child and his or her
birth family; this information will be invaluable to them later
in life.
* Be open and honest about everything
from the very beginning. Tell your child he is adopted; tell
the child what you know of his birth family. It’s much easier
to tell the truth than to try to work through lack of trust later.
* The child’s desire to
know his or her birth parents is natural and has nothing to do
with their relationship with you. Remember a child cannot be
loved by too many people -- the birth parent is not your enemy.
* Treat the adopted child the
same as you would a birth child by providing the same expectations,
the same nurturing and support.
* Assure the child that that
you will always be there for him.
* Adolescence is difficult for
most children and their parents, but can be especially troubling
for some adopted families. Find other adoptive parents to spend
time with, at least until your child is grown. They will be a
source of strength, support and wisdom.
* Continue to attend training
related to adoption issues. You may find some answers, or you
may be able to help other adoptive parents with your insight
and solutions.
* Spend special time with your
spouse, significant other, or best friends. Give the kids and
yourself a break!
* Remember to keep an open mind
and heart -- your child is depending on you.
Adoption can bring all kinds
of rewards, not just to the new parents, but to the extended
family as well. Right now, there are hundreds of children in
your community just waiting to become part of a family. |
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