Long Distance Romance -- Keeping the Love Alive

(ARA) - You’ve heard the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Or is it more accurate to say “out of sight, out of mind?” Either way, up to a million Americans are working to keep the romance alive as they spend days, weeks and even months apart. This includes everything from writing letters and e-mail to spending hundreds of dollars a month on long distance phone calls or plane tickets.

According to the Love From Afar survey conducted by voiceglo, a company that offers phone services over the Internet, long distance relationships are more common than you may think. Sixty-two percent of respondents have had a love affair of at least 50 miles, with almost half (42 percent) having had a romantic relationship with at least 250 miles between them and their sweetie. But long distance love isn’t cheap -- 35 percent spent $100 or more on phone calls to keep their love alive. Despite these challenges, many of those surveyed believed that long distance love is not hopeless, in fact, 67 percent think that these relationships can work. While conventional wisdom decrees that long distance relationships can’t last, the truth is that long distance is no more likely to cause a break up than staying local. At the same time, long distance relationships do take more energy and create more stress and depression for many couples. The reasons for long distance relationships are most often college, and secondly, military service. Surprisingly, U.S. Census data shows there are about 2.5 to 3 million long distance marriages in the United States. Counting long distance couples who are not married is much more difficult.

"We know a great deal about college students and their dating patterns," explains Dr. Greg Guldner, author of “Long Distance Relationships, The Complete Guide,” and director of The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships. "Roughly one in four of the 17 million students consider themselves in a long distance relationship." That translates to an additional 4.4 million separated lovers.

Leslie Karsner, the author of “The Long Distance Romance Guide,” and Dr. Guldner feel that long distance love offers benefits such as improved communication, not taking each other for granted and increased independence and individuality. However, they both offer tips to help couples keep the relationship strong, even across hundreds of miles:

1. Ensure clear and frequent communication. It’s important to keep touching base and tickling fancies with gifts and chat. When you can’t rely on seeing facial gestures and body language, you must communicate more effectively.

2. Stay optimistic. Long distance relationships can and do work.

3. Have a support system. Surround yourself with friends and family who are willing to listen and support you in your extra efforts.

4. Have a life of your own. Don’t just keep busy, really accomplish things that matter to you. Don’t spend your time pining -- stay active with physical and social diversions.

5. Avoid avoidance. Agree to talk about tough issues during your next visit.

6. Don't expect perfection. Couples in long distance relationships sometimes measure the success of their relationship by the perceived quality of the most recent time spent together. If the weekend was a disappointment then the relationship is in trouble. Simply realizing that there will be some disappointing times together -- and that this is normal -- will help with those less than glorious weekends.

7. Find less expensive alternatives to stay in touch. E-mail and letters are great ways to keep the flame alive. Newer technology, such as phone calls over the Internet, also provides low cost ways to hear that special someone’s voice. For the month of February, voiceglo is offering free Internet phone calls to its subscribers -- all you and your partner need to do is sign up for the service and download the software.

Although it may be hard at times, it’s often worth holding on to those long distance relationships. Just remember to be creative and keep the lines of communication open!