- Being Single on Valentine’s
Day: A Survival Guide
(ARA) - Valentine’s Day
-- a day of exchanging flowers, cards, and loving sentiments
punctuated with warm feelings of admiration, affection, and infatuation.
But for millions of Americans, there is one thing preventing
them from participating in these celebratory acts of love: a
date.
Being dateless on Valentine’s
Day can evoke feelings of loneliness and self-doubt, especially
for those who are believers in the mythology of true love. Embedded
midway through the frosty season of winter, it is portrayed in
the media, particularly in relentless flower, fragrance, and
jewelry advertising, as the singular day of year set aside for
love, romance, and passion.
But what is a person to do when
he or she is feeling the chilling blues of being single instead
of embracing the fiery desire of love? |
|
Dr. Laura S. Brown, professor of
psychology at Argosy University/Seattle, offers tips on how single
guys and gals can celebrate Cupid’s Day, instead of being
defeated by it. “Love is not about a particular day, or
about cards, flowers, or even being in a relationship. The illusion
that coupled people are happy and well-loved can feed feelings
of loneliness or isolation for people who aren’t with someone,
and wish they were,” says Brown. “Seeing the illusory
nature of this holiday can be the first step in feeling better
about being precisely who and where you are.”
According to Brown, the most
important message that singles should remember on Valentine’s
Day is that love is not just for couples; it is for all of us.
The following are more ways that
single men and women can enjoy Valentine’s Day without worrying
about the pressures and pitfalls that often come with the holiday:
1. Do not define yourself by
your relationship status. Your relationship status is not your
identity.
2. If you are single because
of a recent loss, allow this to be a day of grieving. Do not
pretend that it’s not a hard day. Get support and sympathy.
3. Realize that Valentine’s
Day is a commercial holiday. It is not about love and relationships;
it is about selling flowers, candy, and diamond jewelry. Think
of all the money you are saving.
4. Plan well in advance to do
something that will not place you in the path of billing and
cooing couples. Even if you usually like dining out alone, do
something else on Valentine’s Day.
5. Get together with people who
do love you -- friends, family members, the people who already
have relationships with you.
6. If you are single and you
don’t want to be, start now to think about what is in the
way of you creating the relationship you want. Find ways to work
on becoming the person your dream partner would fall in love
with. Start therapy. Take up yoga. Begin to volunteer. Create
art. Make meaning. Act to change the world. It is into the fullest
lives that love is most likely to fall.
7. If you are single and you
like it, now is the time to affirm your choice. People who never
marry or partner have close, loving, emotionally intimate relationships
and lives worth living. Do not let a couple-driven culture define
your choice as something wrong. |
