- Babies: How to Get Your Children
Excited About the New Arrival
- by Barbara Freedman-De Vito
The sudden appearance of a new
baby can be rough on the other children in he family. Daily routines
are disrupted and suddenly mom and dad are too busy to pay attention
to older siblings. Worst of all, the new baby is the instant
star of the family - the center of attention. The adorable baby
is the big attraction for everyone from mom and dad, to visiting
relatives, to casual acquaintances bumped into at the mall, right
down to strangers on the street. Everyone is talking baby talk,
cooing at the new baby, and making a fuss over the newborn.
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The older kids may feel shunted
aside and resentful. This is especially true for the displaced
former baby of the family.
Given these natural reactions,
anything that you can do to prepare your other children for the
new arrival will ease the transition. Everything you can do to
involve your kids in advance and to get them to actually look
forward to the birth will make a big difference in how they experience
it. It might even help establish a stronger brother or sister
bond with the new baby that will contribute to the lasting closeness
of a positive sibling relationship. |
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Here are some simple ideas that
expectant parents might try to smooth the road ahead for their
other children. Most are common knowledge or simply common sense,
but sometimes too easily forgotten amid all the excitement and
activity surrounding the birth of a new baby. A few might be
new ideas that are worth a try. A little advance thought and
preparation may go a long way towards making the "blessed
event" a blessing for the ENTIRE family. Hopefully, you'll
be inspired to try some of these ideas, so here goes.
Let your other kids in on the
secret as soon as the pregnancy is confirmed, well before it
is obvious just by looking at mom. Even with your youngest children,
try to give them some understanding of the changes that mom is
going through and what they mean. Check out your local public
library. It should have books geared to all different ages that
can explain, in terms that children can understand, the biological
process of having a baby. Picture books about baby animals may
also help crystalize the concept and relate it to something your
kids have already experienced, like watching
newborn kittens, for example.
The library or local bookstore
should also be able to guide you to works of fiction, including
picture books for preschoolers, that focus on the arrival of
a new baby in the family and such issues as jealousy and feelings
of neglect. Quiet parent-child story reading times can provide
an ideal opportunity to prepare young children for changes that
are on the way and to reassure them of their own importance and
irreplaceable position in the family. Discuss things openly and
answer your kids' questions.
Encourage your children to think
about life with the new baby and how family routines will be
altered. Coax your kids to develop their own lists of things
that will be fun about having a new baby in the house - for example,
they can push the baby carriage and help dress the baby. Help
them think about all the things that they'll be able to share
with and teach the baby as he or she grows up and how important
their role will be as a "big brother" or "big
sister".
At other times, let them focus
on coming up with ways that they can help care for the baby or
have them think of things they can do around the house to ease
the burden on mom and dad. Also, take this opportunity to make
our kids aware that babies require gentle handling and a quiet
environment. You might even use a baby doll with your younger
children to role play baby's diaper changing and feeding.
Nurture the feeling that every
family member is of equal importance and that each occupies a
special niche and has special contributions to make. No one is
being replaced by the baby and the family cannot be whole unless
EVERYONE is a part of it. If your kids internalize this belief,
you may be able to avoid some of the trauma and the understandable
resentment toward this little stranger who has stolen mommy and
daddy's hearts. The better your children are prepared for the
impending event, the better they'll be able to cope with it emotionally.
As part of that preparation process,
from time to time plan special activities with your kids that
relate to babies. For example, they might draw pictures of babies
or collect baby photos from magazines and create a collage. Sit
down and go through photo albums of your kids' baby pictures
and reminisce with them about their own arrivals into the world.
Re-tell any family anecdotes surrounding their births. Teach
your children lullabies that they can sing to the baby, plus
finger games and "peek-a-boo" games to
entertain their new brother or sister.
Arts and crafts projects can
furnish a special parent-child discussion and sharing time and
may sometimes revolve around preparations for the new baby. Kids
can make pictures to hang in the baby's room, or create a baby-safe
mobile to hang over the baby's crib, or draw scenes in which
they imagine their lives with the new baby - rocking the baby
in their arms, and so forth.
Let the kids be involved in every
facet of the preparations that you yourself are making for the
baby's arrival. Your kids can help you repaint the nursery or
paint a mural on the nursery wall, and help you pick out baby
furniture, bedding and nursery decorations. They can choose baby
clothes that appeal to them. All of these things can later give
the children pride and a sense of importance and inclusion in
the baby's life. When grandma says "What a cute bib the
baby's wearing," your preschooler can say "I picked
it !"
In addition, make your children
key members of the family committee that chooses a name for the
new baby. Keep the kids involved and actively participating and
then, as the birth becomes imminent, dad and the kids may even
conspire to prepare some extra, special, secret surprises for
mom and the baby, like buying or creating a special keepsake
item or putting together a "welcome home" party.
In short, it's always worth the
effort to do as much as you can to get your kids involved in
and excited about the arrival of a new baby. Include them in
every step of the process. The more they feel that it is THEIR
baby, too, the more positive their attitudes will be towards
the baby. In this way, you can try to minimize the natural insecurities
and feelings of jealousy that go with the territory.
The suggestions mentioned in
this article can help lay the groundwork for good sibling relationships
but, of course, you can't rest on your laurels once the baby
is born. After the baby arrives, try to do everything you can
to set aside some special time each day that's just for you and
each of your other children. Offer them special little treats
or outings or surprises, and encourage grandma and grandpa to
do the same. To reduce jealousy, give your kids pride in the
things that they CAN do that the baby can't do, like dressing
themselves or enjoying a movie or reciting their ABCs. Continue
along the path that you started on months earlier - reassure
your kids that each of them is just as important as the baby
is, so that they won't feel that they must compete for your love
and attention.
Good luck and oh, by the way,
congratulations ! |
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