- Seven Tips
for Choosing a Maid of Honor
by Blake Kritzberg
Choosing your Maid of Honor is
more complicated than it looks. Nowhere else in your wedding
planning is it easier for vexing problems to turn up! Why? Because
the Maid of Honors duties are often vaguely defined, and
worse, poorly communicated.
In fact, every bride has her
own unique idea of what a Maid of Honor should be. Which is fine
the trick is in communicating those ideas!
So what does a Maid of Honor
do? On one end of the spectrum, shes a ceremonial figure
who steps off the plane and walks down the aisle before the other
On the other, shes a master
of precognition who soothes your nerves before you know youre
frazzled, helps you send out your invites, manages
the bridesmaids, spreads the word on your registry, and offers
up her thoughts on everything from the venue to the dress.
Most often, the Maid of Honor
is somewhere in the middle. She leads the bachelorette party
and/or bridal shower, and tries to be there for the
bride during the planning process, and the ceremony itself.
All this flexibility leaves a
lot of room for misunderstandings. And they happen a lot. The
world is full of brides who feel hurt and let down by close friends
as the big day draws near. Do you want to be one of them? Of
So here are some tips on choosing
and communicating with your Maid of Honor for minimum
stress, and maximum happiness.
1) Define what you really want.
Are you a do-it-yourself bride, or do you want your Maid of Honor
to be your right hand all the way through?
If you're high-maintenance, accept
and acknowledge it. Pick someone who can truly be there for you,
and let them know exactly what you want. If you dont know
anyone with that much time or energy to give, think about finding
help elsewhere. Is your fiancé an active participant?
Can your mother do more? Maids of Honor are not supposed to be
wedding co-planners ... unless they really, really want to be!
2) Tell her what you really want.
More than one bride has shed
tears because a Maid of Honor couldnt read her mind. For
example: many brides wish their Maids of Honor could give a little
speech at the reception, but never get around to asking them.
If its important to you, talk about it!
3) It doesnt have to be
Never feel you have to
make a sister or other family your Maid of Honor. If your best
friends a loyal trooper who goes with you on all the errands,
choose her. She deserves it.
4) Pick someone local if you
need a lot of help.
No one can do much from 3000
miles away, no matter how badly she wants to.
5) Be realistic; look at past
Weddings are exciting. People
are human. When everythings new and youve just announced
your plans, lots of people will offer to help. But not everyone
will manage to follow through.
Who came through for you before
the wedding? Who actually managed to rearrange their schedules
to be with you, even when inconvenient? These are the people
to rely on. No matter how exciting your plans, they wont
make an overcommitted person more available to you. Avoid the
trap of asking such a person because you think your wedding will
be important enough for them to change their
ways, and youll avoid all the stress and hardship
of a disappointing Maid of Honor.
6) Be realistic; look at her
No matter what a treasure your
Maid of Honor is, she has limits, too. Is she expecting a new
baby? Is she working through a divorce? If these things slow
her down, which they probably will, can you pick up the slack
without feeling disappointed?
7) Consider more than one Maid
of Honor if you just cant decide.
But keep in mind, this can cause
problems too. Can your Maids of Honor divide responsibilities,
communicate well and avoid feelings of jealousy?
Now that you've chosen, honor
your Maid of Honor with a little sign of how special she is to
you. Take her out to a day spa, or go together to have your hair
done before the ceremony. Pick out a dress for her thats
a different color from the other bridesmaids, or order her a
bouquet with some special touches. She deserves it!
Follow these tips, and youll
be the bride who spends that all-important day surrounded by
loving, warm friends at their ease. Could anything be better?