- Dealing With Criticism and Difference
in Opinion
- By Robert Elias Najemy
Why this is important
We often become emotionally disturbed
during a disagreement, or an argument, or when someone criticizes
us or disagrees with us. In such cases our personality usually
feels hurt, demeaned and in danger. When we feel this way, we
destroy our own happiness, clarity and health and often behave
in ways which we later regret.
A simple technique for gaining
clarity is to:
1. Remember that concerning criticism, there are
two possibilities:
a. The other person might be correct in his or her
observations and criticism. In this case we would benefit by
admitting it and making the proper adjustment in our behavior.
We have everything to gain by listening and evolving through
others’ comments. What prevents us is the belief that we
are not lovable if we are not perfect. Thus, we do not want to
see or admit our faults. When we realize that we are worthy of
love and respect even when we are not perfect or right, then
we will be able to look at our faults.
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b. The other person might be wrong. In this case,
it is his or her projection, and we need not be affected by these
misconceptions or projections. We have in this case the lesson
of loving ourselves and also the others even when they perceive
us in distorted and negative ways.
2. One solution would be simply not to react one
way or the other at first, but to reflect upon what has been
said for some time so as to evaluate whether or not it is true. |
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We can establish a space in our
minds where we can store such questions about our personality
structure or actions so as to observe objectively for ourselves
if they are true. If they are not, then we simply continue on
in
the way we were.
We need not feel hurt, angry,
defend ourselves, prove ourselves, or attack. When we feel inner
security and self-worth, we do not need to react in these ways.
3. We can simply thank the other for this feedback
and tell him or her that we will think about this observation
and will gradually come to our conclusions, and if necessary,
make changes.
We do not need to live our lives
in accordance with others’ perceptions. We can listen to
all, but follow ourselves.
Note: A "thank you" is enough. |
