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Raising a Self-Sufficient Teen
by Rachel Paxton
Teens don't learn responsibility
overnight. If you haven't been working with your teen on gradually
giving them a sense of independence and ownership of their lives,
then you're going to have your work cut out for you. Don't wait
until it's too late.
By the time your children are
in high school, they should be doing for themselves a lot of
the things you've been doing for them all of their lives. What
does your teen do when they have a problem? Run to you? Or try
to solve his/her own problem, maybe coming to you for advice
when they've exhausted their own resources?
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I don't know about you, but I
want my daughter to be self-sufficient when she heads off to
college. I want her to be able to choose her own friends, manage
her own expenses, be up to the challenge of solving everyday
problems in an effective and positive manner, and generally get
her adult life off to a good start.
Sound difficult? Not if you start
out with the small things. My teen told me most of her friends
don't even know where their moms do their grocery shopping. |
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I couldn't believe it. My daughter
is involved with planning our meals (it's in her interest if
she wants a say in what we're having to eat), and she goes to
the grocery store with me every single week and helps me mark
each item off the list. She reads labels, compares prices, and
tells me when she thinks I'm spending too much money on something.
And why does she care how much money I spend you might ask? Because
our family's finances are tight, and she knows that any money
we save at the grocery store our family will be able to spend
somewhere else. What a great life lesson.
Because our family's finances
are tight, my daughter has also learned how to budget. She is
not directly involved in our financial planning, but she sees
me making our budget and deciding the way we spend our family's
money. She knows that when more money than expected has to be
spent in a certain area, that something else has to give. She
knows that money doesn't grow on trees. She's started to budget
her own money--tithing, spending some, and saving some.
A lot of my daughter's friends
wear expensive designer clothes. She knows we can't afford to
buy clothes like that for her, so we frequent local thrift and
clothing consignment stores, shop bargain sales, and do a lot
of yard saling. Sure, I wish I could spend more money on her
clothes, but she still finds much of the same designer clothing
her friends wear. Other friends are jealous of the good buys
she finds. When my daughter grows up part of me hopes she can
afford nicer things for herself. But deep down, I'm grateful
for the life lessons she's learning. Whether she has money or
not, she will never want for anything because she knows how to
get by no matter what her circumstances.
You might think your teen would
think it a chore to go grocery shopping and shopping for second-hand
clothing. My daughter doesn't look at it that way. Partly she's
bored and wants to get out of the house, but going through these
daily routines together is much of the time we spend together,
hanging out and talking about other things on her mind. More
than half of the time we spend in deep discussion takes place
in the car driving from one place to another. I wouldn't trade
that time for anything. I'm not worried about whether or not
my daughter is going to be able to take care of herself when
she goes off to college. I'm certain she'll be up to the challenge.
A freshman in high school this
year, she has four more years to practice before she's on her
own. She cooks dinner once a week or so, does some of the laundry,
and helps clean up after our pets keep the house clean. At her
age, homework is most important to us and that takes priority
over other things, so we don't overload her with chores, but
my main concern is that she knows HOW to do these things. Especially
with something like cooking it takes time to learn some of these
skills. And if you don't have enough patience to help them learn
something like how to cook, then let them learn through trial
and error. Let them cook what they want to cook and let them
even go buy the groceries to make it.
Let your teens schedule their
own appointments and make other phone calls you normally make
for them. I think everyone has a little fear of the phone at
first, but after the first few times they'll enjoy the responsibility
they've earned.
And did you notice what effect
these changes will have on your life? Less responsibility and
demands on you! It's a little hard to let go at first and you
might have to take baby steps in handing over the reigns a little,
but you'll be so proud of your teen the first time they take
initiative on their own. When they leave home you'll worry less
and know it was a job well done. |
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