|
Quality Time
With Your Teen
by Rachel Paxton
It's sometimes difficult to find
ways to be involved with your teen without totally intruding
in his/her life. You want to talk to them, they don't want to
talk to you (most of the time anyway). I've found the best way
to connect with my teenage daughter is to enter her world and
do the things she likes to do. There's a saying that if you want
to understand your child's world you have to play with them,
no matter how old they are.
You don't always have to be even
directly interacting with your teen in order to be involved in
their world. Just being around the same influences they are,
and taking an interest in their activities, lets them know that
you care and that you understand what they deal with from day
to day. Then later, at home, you can talk about the things you
have experienced together. It's a great way to connect.
Here are some ways my teenage
daughter and I have spent time together:
|
- My daughter was involved in
a music group that did a lot of fundraising that required a lot
of involvement by the parents. At first I was really resistant
to the time involved, but I soon realized how much fun it was
to hang out with my daughter and the other teens and their parents.
- School activities are another
great way to be involved in your child's life, at any age. When
they're younger there's field trips, class parties, etc., you
can be involved with, but when they get older there are activities
like school plays that parents are a very important part of. |
|
I've helped sell tickets, worked
at the bake sale...where I didn't even spend time with my daughter
at all, but it meant a lot to her that I was there supporting
her.
- Attending sporting events is
also important to your child. When they get older it seems like
they don't really care if you're there or not, but it is important
to them even if they don't say so. It makes them feel like you
care about what they do.
- Helping my daughter with school
projects has been a great way for us to spend time together.
She gets to do the hard part of doing all the research and writing,
and then I do the fun part of helping her put it all together
in the end. Even with older teens, most of them don't particularly
enjoy doing all this work by themselves, even if you know they're
completely capable of it. I don't do the work for her, just help
her by giving her feedback on her ideas and giving her a hand.
Often beforehand even I will go to the library with her and help
her sort through reference materials. I know it means a lot to
her, especially when she's doing a huge project and is completely
overwhelmed.
- Another way I've been involved
with my daughter is to be a youth leader in her church youth
group. Again, I am not actually spending time with her there
most of the time, but I am experiencing the same things she's
experiencing and it's giving us something in common that we can
both relate to and discuss. Those times together have been very
meaningful.
As you can see, not all of these
activities involve me actually talking to and hanging out with
my daughter. You know as well as I do that our teens don't always
want us hanging around them. I'm happy for the time I do get
to spend with my daughter, for the little time I have left with
her. When we have things in common my daughter is much more likely
to talk to me and share her feelings with me. When I don't know
what she experiences, it is very hard for me to relate what she
is going through. These shared experiences have opened up many
more opportunities for us to share and connect that we wouldn't
otherwise have. |
Beauty Secrets of
the World
