Your Relationships Begin With
by Chad J. Bring
As a single male in my mid-twenties,
I find myself consciously and unconsciously thinking about and
searching for that special someone. My goal has always been to
be friends with my future wife for at least a year, date for
a year, engaged for a year, which includes being married by the
time Im thirty.
This goal may seem far-fetched
and I admit it is, so Im open to altering it. I know what
I want in a future spouse (I think) and I definitely know what
I dont want. But the older I get, the more I realize that
the challenge to find someone who fits what I want and what I
dont want seems like mission: impossible. My
impatience steps in which seems to prolong my wait to meet this
future wife of mine.
Occasionally, I reflect on the
thought that she is out there somewhere so I wonder what she
is doing at that very moment and if she is thinking of me. As
much as I am actively trying to find someone, Im reminded
by my friends how they found their special someone when they
were least expecting to. I have to remind myself and know that
God will introduce me to her and reveal who she is when we are
So does that mean Im not
ready? I think I am, but at times I have my doubts. Maybe she
isnt ready, which could mean that she is doing something
to better herself for our relationship. Ill always go back
to the question of if Im ready or not. How will I know?
I believe the answer lies in how I respond to the following questions:
I ask myself if Im financially
ready. Who is? I graduated college a couple of years ago and
have already went through two career changes and I have been
laid off. Needless to say, my checkbook is nowhere near where
I want it to be, I wont even mention credit cards. So I
need to think more about saving for my future, buying a house,
and paying off some bills. After all, I dont want to drag
her into my debt and spending habits. I know that I need to better
myself in regards to finances.
I ask myself, am I physically
fit and attractive? The honest answer is that Im not in
as good of shape as Id like to be and beauty is in the
eye of the beholder. I know I need to join a gym, look online
for articles about cooking healthier for bachelors, and watch
how many times I go out to eat. What is a better motivator to
working out besides looking good for yourself and gaining that
confidence, than wanting to look good for your significant other?
After all, I hope my wife is attracted to me as I am to her.
I ask myself, am I smart? With
a college degree I think so, until I watch shows like Jeopardy
or play board games with friends and I realize that I still have
a lot to learn. I am thinking of going back to school. After
all, I want my wife to think Im intelligent.
I ask myself if Im in the
spiritual place with God that I want to be. Do I attend church
every week? Do I read the Bible each day? Am I asking more from
God than I am thanking Him during prayer? Am I a good example
for others and am I teaching them about God? After all, I hope
my future wife and I can pray together and maybe take a leadership
role in a youth group.
I ask myself, am I happy as an
individual? A relationship can bring happiness and fill the void
of being alone, but should I put that burden on my future wife?
If you are comfortable being yourself, being happy alone and
dont need someone, that is a step in the right direction.
I believe that needing someone to fill a void and wanting someone
to fill a void are two entirely different things. This is why
your relationships begin with you. After all, if you dont
love yourself, then how do you expect someone else to?
When you fulfill the above aspects
of your life to an acceptable extent - then watch out, your future
spouse may just be at the local bookstore, in the gym, at church,
at work, at school, or at the bank. I dont expect to be
able to accomplish each of these things in the next four years,
but I will always strive to do so. After all, I hope she will
always strive to do the same. And most of all, I hope we will
continue to strive to do these things together!