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Heartfelt Remarks
My husband and
son had a bad dispute in August, and my husband made some "comments"
about our son's wife. My husband and son have since reconciled
to the point of being polite, talking and joking, but there is
still some strain and resentment on our son's part.
Our daughter-in-law
still wants nothing to do with us. We have not seen her or spoken
to her. I sent her Christmas presents home with our son. He said
she didn't want to take them, but he convinced her that she should.
It is now her
birthday. We give a card with money in it to our boys and their
wives for each of their birthdays. I say we give her a card with
money. My husband says she wants nothing to do with us, why be
fake and send her a card. I would like to see the feud end at
some point. I'd appreciate hearing what you have to say.
~ Myrna |
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Myrna, we get
letters involving alcoholism, neglect, and physical abuse--all
of which can and should cause a permanent rift in families. Compared
to those letters, there is nothing in your letter which makes
this problem one which should fracture your family, keeping one
generation estranged from portions of the next two.
Perhaps your
husband and your son are too much alike. At any rate, in the
heat of a dispute your husband tried to hurt his son by hurting
his wife, and your son repeated the remarks to get his wife on
his side. Because it is always prudent to stay away from those
who try to hurt us, your daughter-in-law's reaction is both understandable
and justified.
There is a principle
your husband would do well to keep in mind: we don't need to
say everything which is in our head. Now his son's wife knows
what he thinks of her, and that can't be taken back. However
your husband is right about one thing. It would be a fraud to
send her a card--from him. But it is not a fraud for you to send
the card along with a check.
Treat your daughter-in-law
like your other daughters-in-law. In time she may let this pass
and accept your husband for who he is. In truly toxic families
there is no solution except a split, but that is a remedy of
last resort, not the first place to go to when we are furious.
~ Wayne &
Tamara
Inviting Offers
I am a male in
my 30s in a very lovable, committed relationship. My partner
is considerably older than myself. She finds no harm in giving
and asking for other men’s phone numbers in order to have
coffee, though she tells them she is in a committed relationship.
When men do phone to set up a coffee date, she declines.
When I find out
about it, she says it is a purely innocent gesture, and she does
not understand why I am angry or hurt. Is this a form of unfaithfulness,
or am I just being a prude?
~ Rod
Rod, the publisher
Bennett Cerf was known for placing ads for books which didn’t
exist. He or his staff would dream up a title like “Seven
Tips of Great Gardeners.” If enough orders came in for the
book, he would commission someone to write it. In the meantime
he would return customers’ money telling them the book was
out of stock or temporarily unavailable.
Your girlfriend
is advertising her availability, a product which does not yet
exist, but if demand is sufficient, it may. She is also compiling
a list of back orders she may decide to fill. You know how much
men respect a woman in a relationship who asks for their phone
number. Those men know the difference between a committed woman
and a woman asking them for a date, and so does she.
~ Wayne &
Tamara
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Authors and columnists
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters
to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:
DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Direct Answers
appears in newspapers in the United States, Canada, Australia,
the UK, Grenada, Guyana, Spain, Lesotho, South Africa, Antigua
& Barbuda, Papua New Guinea, and Kenya. |
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 Direct
Answers Column |
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Direct
Answers Archive 2009 |
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