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Antidote
I write from
Mexico City, and my story is a little sad. I was married four
and a half years before I caught my wife cheating with her ex-boyfriend.
I have absolutely
no family and am a recovering alcoholic, almost 11 years sober.
I lost everything to my alcoholism before putting my life back
together.
It was very hard
to stop drinking, so I followed all the rules. I never cheated
and never missed a day’s work. I gave my wife all my salary.
I took her to Europe, New York and Vegas. I bought her watches,
jewelry, clothes and a car.
I met my wife
through her sister, an addict I was sponsoring. One time while
we were dating, she sent me an instant message intended for her
sister. The message was, she was seeing another man but told
me she was going to the dentist. |
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Out of love for
her and my deep, deep necessity to be loved I forgave her. I
kept telling myself, “No, she is different from her family.”
I gave this girl my whole life and heart on a silver platter.
In Mexico it
is unfortunately common that some people try “spells”
to get things going their way. While my wife was on a trip, I
opened the fridge and saw small containers with water. One of
them was broken, so I took it out and found my name written on
it.
It was in my
wife’s handwriting. This is a spell used to get a person
out of your life. It means you want to “freeze” them
in order to stop them from making money or staying healthy. It’s
a very nasty spell.
When my wife
returned home, I confronted her. She made excuses like “you
forced me into being unfaithful.” Now three months after
the divorce, I feel I was cheated out of everything in life,
everything they taught me in recovery about living well and being
a good human being.
I have not forgiven
her and still hold revengeful thoughts. Most importantly, I want
to know how she is going to pay for what she’s done?
~ Nelo
Nelo, just because you are
in recovery, determined to be a good person, doesn’t mean
you will only run into good people. The world will still be what
the world is.
When you are
a giver and give too much, you attract takers.
Have you ever
wondered why some philanthropists want to remain anonymous? They
know from experience if their names were known there would be
hundreds outside their door with a hand out, saying, “Why
not me?” So their good deed becomes a hundred not-good deeds.
“Because I gave to one I became a villain to a hundred.”
Givers have to
be careful about giving. With your wife’s background, you
had reason to fear what might happen. Generosity fed her badness.
It is good to
be angry when anger is justified, because anger is the emotion
which protects us from harm. But your focus now has to be on
the future. Vengeance keeps your tie to her, and you need to
break all ties or you will continue to live in the past.
One way to deal
with your feelings is to remove yourself entirely from her orbit
so there can be no benefit to her. No contact, no link, no trace.
Sometimes the best solution for a bad situation is complete,
total escape.
Recovery changes
you but it doesn’t change the world.
Hanging out with
alcoholics and addicts keeps dragging you back into drama. The
more you are around people whose lives are in disorder, the more
you are tweaking temptation in ways which don’t need to
be tweaked.
Give only to
those worthy of your gifts. Love only those worthy of your love.
Don’t let one bad experience knock you off the path you
have chosen.
~ Wayne &
Tamara
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Authors and columnists
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters
to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:
DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Direct Answers
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 Direct
Answers Archive 2009 |
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