Acton’s Rule I apologize for the vanilla and ultimately frivolous nature of this query, but this situation has been bothering me! I understand if this one doesn't make it to the top of the question pile. I am a college student and a grader for a class. One of the rules for being a grader is that we cannot date people in the class. I have followed this rule despite starting to take a serious interest in a senior, call him "B”, in the class. We hit it off, and when we hang out, I feel like there's a low-boiling mutual interest that might definitely become something more serious were we able to act on it. Obviously, waiting until the end of this semester means waiting until he's graduating, so I put the thought out of my mind and moved on.

Since then, I fell pretty hard (and stupidly) for a younger guy, "C", who barely notices me despite some mild overtures I've made. I feel stupid about it since I can't keep making these overtures without getting any--and I mean any--response. Specifically, I have e-mailed him a few times about a project he's working on that I would like to be part of. He hasn't taken me up on the offer. It seems pretty clear.

Well, now the semester is winding down, and it turns out I'll be returning the final problem set in B’s class with only a few weeks to go to the end of the semester. I would like to ask B to a dance, and perhaps more than that, but I haven't actually killed the idea of asking out C.

I feel sitting down with C for a "you're not interested, right?" conversation might be overkill, but it may be the only way for me to move on without this silliness hanging over me.

~ Danae

Danae, the essence of grading someone’s work is the assumption of power, and power can be used fairly or unfairly. It may not be true that every man has his price, but many men do. Your school doesn’t want you to use the power you’ve been given to unfairly aid someone you date, to pressure someone to date you, or to take revenge on someone who turns you down.

There’s a logic behind their rule. They know the other side of power is the corruption of power. A modern maxim states that corruption equals authority plus monopoly minus transparency. As a grader, what you do is largely out of public view. Only your integrity guarantees the process.

The university wants graders to avoid not only conflicts of interest but even the appearance of a conflict of interest. They want that because it guarantees everyone’s faith in the grading process. The only problem is application of their principle is a nightmare.

Can you grade the paper of a friend or a close friend? Your next-door neighbor? A second cousin? Can you grade someone you used to date? What about someone you have lingering hopes to date? Then there’s the bias some women have in favor of all men, and the well-documented evidence that teachers give higher grades to people with better handwriting. Which, of course, means women.

In adopting this rule the university has gained the appearance of virtue without actually being virtuous. If they wanted to avoid outside influences in grading, they should have implemented blind grading. But that is inconvenient and expensive. So they opted for ethics on the cheap.

We don’t believe their rule frees grading from bias, but it does have one advantage for you. It protects you from B saying, “Danae pressured me for dates, and I finally had to say no (or yes) to her.”

You’ve already gotten the answer from C. Pressuring him further makes you look desperate. As for B, there is no question. You agreed to their rule.

~ Wayne & Tamara

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com. Direct Answers appears in newspapers in the United States, Canada, Australia, the UK, Grenada, Guyana, Spain, Lesotho, South Africa, Antigua & Barbuda, Papua New Guinea, and Kenya.   Direct Answers Archive 2009 Direct Answers Archive 2010

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