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Horse Sense
I have a question
about ending a friendship. I would like to feel I did what I
had to do, that I was not just being too sensitive.
The woman in
question was a friend of mine for some eight years. We shared
a passionate love of horses; it was our common interest. In addition,
during our friendship we both had troublesome relationships and
helped each other through the worst times.
Some months ago,
however, I had photos taken of my horse and I. When I showed
them to my friend, she accused me of being vain and basically
said my horse was ugly. I stopped talking to her. I was horribly
hurt. After several months, I made contact and slowly we resurrected
our friendship.
Well, just this
week I bought a new horse, a 1-year-old Arabian. He is not the
most expensive or impressive of his breed, but he is undeniably
beautiful. When I showed his photos to my friend, she immediately
criticized his appearance and asked if he was even purebred.
I said, Of course, I have paperwork to prove it. |
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My friend was
openly hostile. She ended an e-mail saying my new horse was ugly.
She said she did not want to have to say that, that she was initially
being polite for the sake of our friendship, but I "forced"
her to say it. Her final word was an angry acknowledgment that
she is not allowed to use the word “ugly.”
When I read that,
it seemed to me she is more interested in being right than in
keeping me as a friend and saying a real sorry. This is all the
more hurtful considering she made it sound like she was the victim.
~ Maggie
Maggie, this woman used her spurs
on you, and you bucked her off. Bravo! You shouldn’t feel
bad. She’s intentionally cruel. Her remarks were barbed
and meant to hurt.
Giving her a
second chance allowed her to revictimize you. That’s irritating,
but you don’t need her to acknowledge that you are right.
You just need to end this. People like her are always right,
especially when they are wrong.
~ Wayne &
Tamara
Semiannual Review
My husband and
I have been married 12 years and have two kids. He has been asking
for a divorce every six months since we got married. He says
I don't treat him right, but I cook, clean, work part-time and
we are together at least two times a week.
Four months ago
he again asked for a divorce and went to Reno to get his head
straight. From phone records I found out he was having an emotional
affair with a girl he went to school with, who lives in Reno.
Then I learned he’s been in contact with another ex--you
know, the one who got away, the true love of his life. Later
I found a message to a third girl that said, like a fine wine
you grow more beautiful each day.
He says I am
blowing this all out of proportion. He yells at me and calls
me every name in the book when we discuss it. He even spit in
my face. Am I supposed to forget this all happened because now
he wants to work this out?
~ Dani
Dani, grain merchants use
long probes to collect samples from different levels of a rail
car or truck. They do this to measure the quality of the grain
and to check for toxins. Your husband has collected samples of
your marriage every six months and found it rotten.
That you haven’t
gone to a counselor, women’s center, or divorce lawyer after
his threats shows how much his “sampling” has damaged
you. You are too good for him and he knows it, so he beats you
down. Contact one or more of the three sources we mentioned to
escape this rotting relationship.
~ Wayne &
Tamara
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Authors and columnists
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters
to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:
DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Direct Answers
appears in newspapers in the United States, Canada, Australia,
the UK, Grenada, Guyana, Spain, Lesotho, South Africa, Antigua
& Barbuda, Papua New Guinea, and Kenya. |
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 Direct
Answers Archive 2009
Direct
Answers Archive 2010 |
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