Leg To Stand On My husband applied for a position through an employment agency. He was shortlisted and told by the agency he met all the client requirements. Later the agency informed him he wasn’t picked for an interview, and my husband asked why. Their response was, “We would like to know, too.” Only then was it revealed it was a company where he had a personal issue with one of the employees. The company manager revealed my husband has a reputation for chatting up women. A few months back the woman, her husband, my husband and myself met and resolved all the issues and concerns we had. My husband contacted the manager and told him it was uncalled for to put his integrity in a bad light with the agency. The manager replied my husband is the ideal candidate, but the decision came from his boss at the head office. Yes, my husband made a mistake, but should his work professionalism be judged? This has ruined any further prospects with the employment agency. My husband believes the manager’s conduct was unethical and this is not fair. ~ Valera

Valera, you are concealing information. We don’t know what happened with the woman, whether your husband is currently employed, or what profession we are talking about. We can only assume you’re glossing over facts because they don’t help your cause.

Whatever happened was serious enough to require a meeting with a woman, her husband, your husband and you. In addition, your husband’s actions with other women have involved inappropriate behavior.

It’s obvious your husband has no legal remedies against this woman, other women, the employment agency or the manager. The employment agency learned of your husband’s conduct only because he asked them to find out. He brought this on himself. The remarkable thing is the manager of the hiring company told the truth instead of falling back on corporate doubletalk.

When you married your husband, you hitched your wagon to someone else’s star. Some stars fade, some stars fall, and some stars die. Rather than defending him, consider the impact of his behavior on your life and your future.

In some countries television shows cannot be aired unless bad acts are shown to be punished. As far as we can tell, your husband is bearing the consequences of his own actions, which is the way the world is supposed to work yet often doesn’t.

~ Wayne & Tamara

Irreconcilable Difference

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend two years. I love her dearly, who she is and the great times we have together. My problem is I have a healthy, active sex drive and she does not.

Making love is an important part of a relationship, and since we only physically communicate once every six or eight weeks, it gives me the feeling of eventual relationship doom. That thought scares me because I don’t want to lose her.

When I try talking to her about it, she gets upset and won’t discuss it. I always end up feeling like a creep and telling myself sex isn’t everything. Then my frustration builds, along with sadness and longing for that connection. I am not one to cheat, but I can’t imagine a life without intimacy.

~ Aaron

Aaron, you went shopping for a dog and brought home a cat. Now you want the cat to bark like a dog. That can never happen.

In relationships many people focus on the prize part, not the negative part. But the shine wears off prizes quickly, leaving only the negatives. Each of you needs a person suited to your genuine self, not someone who must make incessant compromises to be with you.

Though your current relationship is not meant to be, you should respect this woman’s honesty. Many people, both male and female, conceal their disinterest in sex until after a wedding.

~ Wayne & Tamara

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com. Direct Answers appears in newspapers in the United States, Canada, Australia, the UK, Grenada, Guyana, Spain, Lesotho, South Africa, Antigua & Barbuda, Papua New Guinea, and Kenya.   Direct Answers Archive 2009 Direct Answers Archive 2010

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