Career Choice I have been dating this guy four months. We got along well until a girl in one of our university classes started pushing herself on him, asking to see his notes, and touching his stuff while sitting beside him. I am also in the class, but don't sit with him because I like to sit in the front of the lecture hall and he prefers the very back. She knows I am the girlfriend because he waits after class to walk me to my next class. Originally I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but I did give her mean looks when she talked to him. She didn't care. She just stared back with a blank face. I got so mad I stopped talking to my boyfriend. He says they are just friends and she has a boyfriend. I don't believe that. I mean, why would she act that way if she has a boyfriend? Also, if he isn't interested, why would he let her do it? What should I do? ~ Isabella   Isabella, when Barack Obama moves about, he is surrounded by members of the Secret Service. If you try to get too close to him, they will give you hard looks and block your passage. President Obama has a whole entourage to protect him, and they work in shifts 24 hours a day. There is only one of you. Even if you are studying to be a member of the Secret Service, you won't be able to watch your boyfriend all the time. You won't have time to listen in on every phone call, intercept all his e-mail, or open each envelope addressed to him. It is not your purpose in life to have this man by force, and no decent man would subject himself to that. What you need to do is live your life to the fullest, do things which are in your power, and achieve your personal goals. You cannot prevent another from breaking trust with you. That is on them. But what is on you is letting them know, if they break your trust, it is over. ~ Wayne & Tamara

Partly Changed

Eight months ago my wife told me she loves me but is not in love with me anymore. We tried counseling, but she gave that only one session before moving out. She says there is no other man, rather she repressed part of herself during our time together and has found happiness without me there to criticize.

I thought she was willing to work on our relationship and that we would try a healing separation. Since then I have been in counseling, taken up meditation, gone to anger management, and improved myself as a person.

Two months ago my wife told me she is never coming back. I tried to move on and see other women, but I keep comparing them to my ex. I still love her, but if what she says is true, I need to fully let her go.

The problem is she takes the kids every weekend and shows up one or two nights during the week. Being near her tears my heart out. I get resentful and act weird. She sees this, and it reaffirms to her that I haven't changed.

~ Marco

Marco, sometimes there is more in the name than there is in the theory. Catch phrases like "healing separation" smack of clever packaging and marketing. If your employer offers you a "healing layoff," the reality is you are out of a job.

The changes you made are wonderful. Keep them up. Unfortunately those changes may infuriate your wife even more, because it says to her at any moment in the past you could have changed, but refused to.

For most people the first year after parting is the hardest, then life begins to get better and better.

~ Wayne & Tamara

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com. Direct Answers appears in newspapers in the United States, Canada, Australia, the UK, Grenada, Guyana, Spain, Lesotho, South Africa, Antigua & Barbuda, Papua New Guinea, and Kenya.   Direct Answers Column Direct Answers Archive 2009

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