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Middle Man
I'm torn about
how to handle this. My 23-year-old daughter got engaged last
November. This weekend she and her fiancé visited us.
Yesterday I sat down at my computer and her fiancé’s
e-mail was still open. In the sent mail I found pictures of his
ex-girlfriend wearing nothing but a partially-open robe.
This e-mail is
one he sent to himself in January. I’m no prude, but I think
if nothing else this was stupid on his part. It would cause a
major issue if she discovered it. Best case, they're pictures
from years ago, and he simply wanted to keep them. Worst case,
she is still sending him photos.
I’m thinking
of confronting him, and if he’s honest with me, then I’ll
bury this. But if he lies, I will make him come clean with my
daughter. I don't want to cause a problem where there isn't one,
but I don't want to ignore something that may be a real issue.
~ Leo |
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Leo, one of the failings
of honest people is they expect dishonest people to think as
they do. The liar and the victim of the lie have a huge difference
in perspective. If your daughter’s fiancé is actively
involved with his old girlfriend, he has no reason to tell you
the truth. If you talk to him, you should expect the same answer—denial—whether
he is telling the truth or lying.
The easy way
out is to say nothing and pretend you never saw the photos. But
the power to keep quiet is not something you have. It is better
for your daughter to know now rather than knowing later. She
is the one you have a relationship with.
When you see
someone breaking into your neighbor’s house and don’t
tell your neighbor, who are you siding with? The thief. This
young man brought consequences on himself. You will always have
this in your head when you deal with him. You can’t stop
your daughter from making mistakes, but you can give her the
information you now possess.
Talk to your
daughter, alone and soon, in a calm and collected manner. Carefully
tell her, “If something came of this, and I didn’t
tell you, I would be kicking myself forever. I don’t have
the knowledge to know what this means, but I saw something which
hurt me because it may hurt you.” Then trust her to do the
right thing.
~ Wayne &
Tamara
Suspicions
I work for a
small company. Since I have been on board our very young owner
has made accusations, but today was the worst. He was getting
ready to leave and next to me was a check from one of our customers.
It was similar in color to the ones I cut and he signs.
He wasn't gone
10 minutes when I got a phone call, asking me why I signed one
of our checks. I was dumbfounded then looked around and saw the
customer’s check. I told him what he had seen and assured
him I do not sign checks because I'm not authorized. There was
great hesitation in his voice, and since then he has been rude
and snappy with me.
~ Meghan
Meghan, your boss “saw”
something he didn’t see. Rather than be disproven, he wants
to defend himself and carry around the idea he wasn’t wrong.
Perhaps he’s under stress, sensitive about his authority,
or likes to bully others. Perhaps he is suspicious of others
because he knows himself to be untrustworthy.
Whatever the
case, you have to protect yourself. Document the date and time
of the phone call and details about the check involved. Explain
to others what happened. In the meantime, act absolutely above
board and professionally. If you think your job is in danger,
act like your job is in danger and take steps to find a more
welcoming workplace.
~ Wayne &
Tamara
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Authors and columnists
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters
to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:
DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Direct Answers
appears in newspapers in the United States, Canada, Australia,
the UK, Grenada, Guyana, Spain, Lesotho, South Africa, Antigua
& Barbuda, Papua New Guinea, and Kenya. |
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 Direct
Answers Archive 2009 |
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