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No Dogs Allowed
My closest friend
is a dog lover with two big dogs. Although I don't like to do
it, I have doggy-sat during a couple of her week-long vacations.
I am an animal
lover but like my house clean and odor free. The last time I
doggy-sat I covered my floors with blankets and towels. Still
the dogs are not well-trained and had three accidents in one
week. I had to get my carpets cleaned.
I did not share
this information with my friend. Her friendship is important
to me and she considers her dogs her family. So I said sweet
things about the dogs when she returned and will never say a
bad word about them even though my home was left a mess.
I planned to
hire a pet sitter for my recent vacation when my friend sweetly
volunteered to feed my hamster. She drove over twice during the
week to feed the hamster and clean its cage. I expressed my appreciation
and gave her a thank you gift.
My friend just
told me about a trip she is planning soon and I feel terrible
not volunteering to doggy-sit. I will feel worse if she asks
me to take care of the dogs, because I plan to say no. How can
I politely decline if asked?
~ Keeley |
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Keeley, openness makes the strongest
friendships, and honesty is the easiest way to live. You should
have told your friend the dogs had accidents. Once you concealed
what happened, it became impossible to tell the truth without
making her defensive or disbelieving.
But it’s
not too late to put things right. Put this on yourself. You are
a hamster person, not a dog person. It’s simply a difference
between you and your friend. Tell her, “I gave it a try
and I’m glad the dogs are okay, but I don’t want to
tempt fate again. Having dogs is too stressful for me.”
Suggest kennels
or pet sitting services, or go with her to check out facilities,
especially one with a vet on call. It’s what Tamara always
says about oatmeal cookies. If you don’t like oatmeal cookies,
tell people. Otherwise you have condemned yourself to a life
of being offered oatmeal cookies.
~ Wayne
Bad Company
My close friend
of four years suddenly became involved in illegal activities
and surrounded herself with people who make me uncomfortable.
She assures me these things should not in any way affect our
friendship, but the fact is they truly do!
When I first
met her she was shy, and now that she's involved in drugs and
crazy parties she seems to be a different person. In social situations
she doesn't hesitate to point out my flaws. It seems she only
likes me around so she can feel superior.
My fiancé
despises her and tells me I should break all ties. A group of
friends approached me saying the same thing--that her destructive
behavior wasn't just affecting her but deeply affecting me as
well.
My greatest worry
is by cutting off our friendship she may float deeper into a
harmful lifestyle. It's come to a point where I avoid her calls
and e-mails. I feel this is an awful way to end a friendship.
How can I end our friendship in a way that doesn't harm her any
more than she has harmed herself?
~ Sophia
Sophia, you are in a danger
zone. People see she is changing you for the worse, and acting
as a middleman between her and them may put them in harm’s
way as well. You are not a social worker. Even trained professionals
would have a hard time helping her.
Chasing after
her shows you think highly of her. Cutting her off tells her
you don’t accept her behavior. End this friendship in as
quiet and as natural and as quick a way as possible.
~ Wayne &
Tamara
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Authors and columnists
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters
to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:
DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Direct Answers
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 Direct
Answers Archive 2009 |
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