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Blindside
My ex-husband
left me a week before Thanksgiving. We had built a brand-new
home, moved our things in, and a month later he left me and our
two young sons. The day before we had measured our backyard for
a patio, made love, and ate dinner together. I fell asleep with
him telling me how much he loved me.
The next day
he never came home. He filed for divorce and four months later
it was done. He enthusiastically gave me full physical and legal
custody of our children. Shock does not begin to cover what I
felt. We had things planned like a housewarming and relatives
coming for the holidays.
He told me he
plotted this out. He needed his freedom because "life is
too short" and he wants to be a golf pro and can't do that
with a family. He says his final gift to me was a brand-new house,
though I am the only one paying the mortgage and bills.
Recently, he
admitted he had been having an affair with a coworker for about
a year. He told me that she understands him and can golf with
him. I never could because I was always caring for children and
working. She is nine years older than me and in the military,
as is he.
He only wants
to see the children on Sundays for five hours, with no overnights.
Even then he leaves them with her at her apartment while he works.
She gives them gifts, and they call her Aunt. I’ve voiced
my concern over his poor choice not to spend time with his sons.
I question if this is a serious relationship. What should I do?
~ Juliana |
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Juliana, on the television show
“Survivor,” unwary contestants are often blindsided
and voted out. There is nothing wrong with this. It is part of
the game. But in the game of life a person who blindsides another
is a scoundrel.
You are still
in a daze. You haven’t gotten mad yet. You are not hearing
what your ex-husband is telling you. He planned this out to gain
an advantage at your expense. He didn’t want you to be able
to defend yourself.
What he did was
cruel. What can he teach your sons except how to put a working
mother in a financial bind. He threw away his parental rights.
There is no point in trying to shove them down his throat.
If your ex-husband
received a favorable settlement because you thought you could
“win” him back, revisit that with an attorney. You
have your whole life ahead of you. There is no reason you cannot
find happiness. A good book like Sandra Kahn’s “Leaving
Him Behind” can help you catch up with what happened.
~ Wayne &
Tamara
Young Spaniards
I was hoping
you could make my decision for me. I hate living in Spain and
hate everything about it! The problem lies with my girlfriend
of 11 years and our two sons, seven years and 10 months. My girlfriend
is Spanish and does not want to move back to Great Britain.
I have been in
Spain for five years off and on, and my girlfriend says, if I
go, not to return. Would I be wrong to move back to Britain and
leave them behind? Or should I stay and feel more depressed?
Whatever way I turn, I am the loser.
~ Edward
Edward, you aren’t the loser.
The children are. The children didn’t cause you to be in
Spain, and they didn’t cause you to go back and forth. You
weren’t too miserable to create a new life only a short
time ago.
All we can do
is clarify what you are saying. Even in a short letter you told
us who you are. “It is all about me.” It appears the
children are damned if you stay, and damned if you leave.
~ Wayne &
Tamara
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Authors and columnists
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters
to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:
DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Direct Answers
appears in newspapers in the United States, Canada, Australia,
the UK, Grenada, Guyana, Spain, Lesotho, South Africa, Antigua
& Barbuda, Papua New Guinea, and Kenya. |
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 Direct
Answers Archive 2009 |
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