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Expiration Date
I have been with
my boyfriend two years, and we’ve had our disagreements.
I believe we always come out of them better people realizing
we both have aspects of our personality we need to work on.
He thinks it
would be a good idea to live together before we get married.
I do not. My thinking is, if you want to live with me then why
not just get married? This argument went on and on until I compromised
and said, "I will live with you only if I have a ring and
a wedding date."
My boyfriend
has his own apartment, which I do not have the key to, and I
have been spending a lot of time there lately. About a year ago,
he left me because we had a difference in religious beliefs,
but the next day he came back and apologized. I forgave him and
we sorted everything out. |
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A month ago we
had a discussion about him liking it when I was at his apartment.
He said he wants me in his life, I help him figure things out,
and he wished I could be there all the time. I told him, "You
can easily fix that...it’s called engagement." And
then I left.
I called him
back in a few hours and said, "Fine, we'll do the counseling
thing. It would be good for both of us." He says he is not
ready for marriage because he can't tell me when he's upset with
me. We are in counseling for this, and my fear is he will keep
coming up with excuses why we can't marry.
I promised myself
I will not be one of those girls who sits around every holiday
and birthday, thinking, "Oh! Maybe he'll give me a ring
now!" I'm not like that, and I never want to be. When he
told me he's afraid I will walk out on him again, I remind him
he has always walked out on me.
I’m afraid
I am wasting my time. I want to be married, and I want to have
children and so does he. Should I stick it out or walk away?
~ Nicole
Nicole, if you are looking for
a strategy to get what you want, skip the counseling and save
the money. There is a cheaper solution. Stop delivering yourself
to his apartment. The current arrangement doesn’t even cost
your boyfriend the time to date you.
It’s not
that you have an old-fashioned sensibility. Rather you have a
down-to-earth nature, and you are no country bumpkin. You know
moving in will make it too convenient for him not to marry you.
When he tires of the arrangement, he won’t need a divorce.
He will simply tell you to move out.
A man who loves
a woman wants to make her his own. Counseling sessions are a
sign that the deep connection, which must be there for love to
last a lifetime, is absent. The most obvious conclusion is that
your boyfriend isn’t confused. He knows what he wants. He
wants you without marriage.
~ Wayne &
Tamara
Old Business
I have decided
to divorce my husband. I have done everything I could to save
this marriage. I am so worn out and angry with myself for not
leaving sooner.
One of his retorts
is, "What took you so long to figure out you are miserable?"
That implies I am so dumb I don’t know what's good for me.
My question is, how can someone who has everything on the ball,
fall victim to this and not make a move before now?
~ Neva
Neva, people are loss-averse.
They hold on to losing stocks and bad investments far too long
because to cash them out is to admit an error. We all have a
terrible time admitting mistakes, and that is why you held on
for so long.
~ Wayne &
Tamara
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Authors and columnists
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters
to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:
DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Direct Answers
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 Direct
Answers Archive 2009 |
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