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Rough Draft
I am a new freshman
in college. I left for college a week and a half ago, and my
girlfriend hasn’t yet left for her college. Leaving her
was the most painful experience of my life. We always planned
on trying other people, but we both wanted to stay together after
college.
I found out from
her friend that two days after I left she went on a date with
another guy and kissed him goodbye. Two days later, she made
out with a different guy. I was crushed. I confronted her over
the phone, and she sobbed and apologized.
She told me the
guys didn't mean anything to her, and she only loves me. She
said she did it in order to see what other guys are like because
we were each other’s first lover. She is not a slutty person
at all, and she wasn't drinking when she did this.
I get the feeling
she is pushing me away, but she convinces me she really wants
me in her life. It is cliché, but I don’t think I
could find another girl like her. Help!
~ Brannon |
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Brannon, people remember the first
thing they do and the last thing they do, while things in the
middle tend to be forgotten. This is known as the serial position
effect.
For you, your
girlfriend is both your first serious relationship and your last.
For her, you are the first, but another man is her last. She
has two competing things in mind: you and the latest, available
male.
If she feels
a need to compare you to others, it means she isn’t satisfied
with what she has. If she were, she wouldn’t be looking.
First things may have unusual power, but just because something
is first it does not mean it is always best or even right.
The first draft
of a term paper isn’t the one you turn in, and it isn’t
the one you want your grade based on. Often what comes later
will be better. That can be painful, but as Sookie Stackhouse
says, “Sometimes you just have to regret things and move
on.”
~ Wayne &
Tamara
Preview
My fiancé
and I got engaged a year ago. I work full-time, but he works
as much as 12 hours a day, six days a week, since he takes clients
when they are available. We planned to hold the ceremony next
year, but I'm having trouble with him lying and not being considerate
of my feelings.
Twice on Fridays
he called saying he would be home around 9 p.m. because of a
meeting. At 10, I called and called but couldn’t reach him.
Finally around 12:30 a.m. he arrived home saying he had drinks
with the guys. He claimed he didn’t call because I would
have been upset.
Last week he
asked if he could go to his coworker’s bachelor party. I
asked where, and he said Montreal. I was taken aback because
we live in New York and this is not someone I know. I was uncomfortable,
so he said he would cancel.
Flash forward
one week, and he went anyway. He stated he needed to pay for
the hotel because they had booked it for him. I asked why didn’t
he tell them he wouldn’t go, and he said he didn't have
time.
We argued that
night and haven’t spoken since. I remember him saying at
the end, "Your feelings this and that!"
~ Amanda
Amanda, in Greek mythology Apollo
gave Cassandra the gift of prophecy, but when she refused his
advances, Apollo took away her ability to persuade others. Consequently,
Cassandra knew the future, but no one would believe her.
Like Cassandra
you’ve glimpsed the future, but can you convince yourself
your vision is accurate? If your relationship is this way while
it is fresh and new, why won’t it be more so when you marry?
~ Wayne &
Tamara
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Authors and columnists
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters
to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:
DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Direct Answers
appears in newspapers in the United States, Canada, Australia,
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& Barbuda, Papua New Guinea, and Kenya. |
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 Direct
Answers Archive 2009 |
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