Second Thoughts A new couple, renters, moved in across the street two years ago. My husband and I quickly became friends and hangout buddies with them. Both are heavy drinkers, and though neither my husband nor I drink, we somehow managed to have fun together playing board games and Wii. We sold our house and built a new one a block away. The couple who bought the house turned out to be nasty, threatening people, and they had buyer’s remorse. As soon as they bought the house, their finances went downhill, and when the housing market crashed, selling the house for what they paid was no longer an option. Needless to say, they resented us. After they were drunk one night and firing guns, we talked to a lawyer about getting a restraining order. Our friends continued to be great, however, until the wife got obsessed with my husband and me. If we invited other friends to dinner, she would get mad.

Her husband travels and she only behaves this way while he is gone. Over time she began drinking more, and her behavior grew worse. Though we had been close friends, when she started playing manipulative games, I backed off.

I wasn’t trying to end it, just redefining and changing the dynamics. She told someone we were shunning her. Actually, we never said or did anything mean, disrespectful, or inconsiderate.

Last week she told me, with satisfaction, she had become friends with the crazy, threatening people who bought our house. She hangs out with them every day. In one way, we feel relieved to be rid of her. In another, we feel in danger because her behavior is so unpredictable we don’t know what she is capable of.

Her husband is still nice, and we doubt he is aware of her odd conduct. In a weird way, we feel we’ve lost friends who were fun to be with. For now, though, we can’t walk into our front yard without being stared at by this woman because she sits on her porch all the time.

She sent me an e-mail and the subject was “Items.” It said she would appreciate it if I would return the books and cat carrier she loaned me. How should we handle this?

~ Helen

Helen, stop saying this couple was fun to hang out with. Having fun went out the window as soon as you had reason to fear this woman.

Once her behavior changed, it was as if she was juggling a hand grenade in front of you, and you didn’t know if she might pull the pin. Now that she is hanging out with the troublesome people who bought your house, the danger is she might aim them at you just like a gun.

Playing Pollyanna is dangerous. We need to have the full range of behavior at our disposal all the time. We must be prepared to treat good people one way and unstable or dangerous people another way.

Return the books and the cat carrier posthaste. Make of your home a safety zone. Reading about personal safety and consulting with local law enforcement would be a good first step.

~ Wayne & Tamara

Balance Sheet

I am on Match.com, and I have a question. I currently indicate my income is $75-100k. If I include interest and dividends, then I might be just over $100k. I’d love to bump myself to that more appealing income bracket, especially if I move to New York City, but I don’t want to be dishonest. What income should I indicate in my profile?

~ Dirk

Dirk, psychologists know that trust is asymmetrical. What that means is it takes many positive interactions to build trust, and only one bad one to destroy it. If you start from honesty, you never have anything to explain away. Your perfect love is a woman who values trust as an indispensable quality in her man.

~ Wayne & Tamara

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com. Direct Answers appears in newspapers in the United States, Canada, Australia, the UK, Grenada, Guyana, Spain, Lesotho, South Africa, Antigua & Barbuda, Papua New Guinea, and Kenya.   Direct Answers Archive 2009

submit an article Translate This Page French / German / Italian / Japanese / Chinese / Russian / Spanish / Swedish Contact us About Us Advertising Privacy Terms Of Use Article Submissions Lifestyle

© Copyright 1999 - 2009 Pioneer Thinking. All Rights Reserved. * tm; the property of Pioneer Thinking Company.