- Help! My Child Refuses to Attend
School!
- By Dr. Noel Swanson
"How do I get my nine-year-old
daughter to school? She seems to have tummy aches or headaches
constantly, and misses several days of school each week. Any
suggestion that she must go and she screams and cries and seems
to be genuinely afraid of going to school. What can we do?"
You need to be firm with her.
Don't count on the problem going away if you ignore it. She could
end up not ever going back.
However, don't be angry with
her as her anxiety and distress are real.
You need to find out what is
troubling her. It could be school phobia ( a fear of school),
separation anxiety (fear of leaving you or the home) or agoraphobia
(fear of crowds and public places). These are all very real disorders.
If it might be the first, check
if she is being bullied, teased, embarrassed, or abused at, or
on the way to, school. Work closely with the teachers to identify
and deal with any problematic situations.
Make a doctor appointment for
a complete examination. Explain the whole situation to him so
he can look for serious illness.
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If he rules out an illness, then
believe what he says. Don't have a lot of expensive tests. Assume
that your child is physically well and needs to go to school.
Keep assuring her firmly and confidently that she'll be fine
(and so will you) once she arrives. If she still claims of physical
ailments, you have two options;
The first is that you insist
that she go to school unless there is clear, measurable, evidence
that she is sick, for example having a temperature, obvious diarrhoea
and vomiting, etc. Just "feeling unwell" is not enough
to miss school, after all, many adults have to go to work with
headaches or other symptoms. |
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The second option is to believe
her. Since she says she is too unwell to go to school, then clearly
she is too unwell to be up and about the house. If she is sick
then she is sick, and so she goes to bed: lights off, curtains
closed, no TV, no special snacks. Ignore her and go about your
normal daily routine. Make sure that the option of staying home
is boring. If she is not sleeping then, ideally she should be
doing some school work. Certainly there should be no friends
or visitors to entertain her.
Along with this, set up clear
incentives (rewards, privileges) for getting to school.
You must be tough and firm, but
also calm, about all of this. Be clear that you expect her to
be at school, but do not get into a fight with her about it.
The goal is for her to want to get back as quickly as possible.
Once there, and she discovers that nothing does happen to her
or to you while at school, the symptoms of depression and anxiety
should rapidly resolve.
If these techniques don't work
and you think she may be seriously depressed or anxious, then
find professional help by asking your family doctor for a referral. |
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