- "No
Picnic In Sight"
- by Eric Shapiro
Upon being diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive
Disorder, I saw the reality behind the greatest myth of mental
illness, the myth that The Victim Is Unaware of His or Her Own
Condition. A childhood flooded with media depictions of the mentally
ill had lead me to believe that the afflicted had somehow been
robbed of their objectivity, thrown into a dark hall-of-mirrors
beyond the realm of rational perspective.
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Nonsense. My rational mind remained
intact, albeit uncomfortably so. From the lighter corner of my
mind, I watched darkness flow in. Obsessive images of violence
and amorality. Urges, or rather, "pseudo-urges" to
do things I didn't want to. Yin (the rational mind) duking it
out with yang (the imbalanced, irrational mind) on a daily basis.
The word "Hell" was used often when describing this
state.
I'm certain that the suffering
of many leads to punctured objectivity and the loss of rational
self-awareness. Fortunately, I remained aware. No matter how
awful I felt, I could at least articulate what was going on.
The power of descriptive articulation should not be underestimated.
It keeps the disorder in context as a disorder, preserving a
firm boundary between the right mind and the ill mind. For me,
imagining such a boundary was a vital survival tool. I focused
on finding a day when Yin overran Yang, so to speak. |
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The afflicted mind has difficulty
inspiring itself to seek assistance. What a complex entity the
mind is; even in sickness, it has only itself to rely upon. Unlike
somebody with a broken leg, a person with an anxiety disorder
cannot lean on his or her other mind. Overcoming mental duress
is like trying to kiss your own lips. Quite tricky, but possible
with enough imagination.
Imagination and resourcefulness,
that's what it comes down to. These strange ailments go just
as they came. I knew that elements of my mind were strong; the
challenge was getting these elements to positively influence
the weaker ones. This required many analysts, many appointments,
many schools of healing. Psychology, psychiatry, homeopathy,
reflexology, reiki, energy healing-- these were all thrown in
the pot to little avail. Finally and unexpectedly, acupuncture
provided balance. I've improved significantly. I thank acupuncture
and I thank my supportive family, but, most importantly, I thank
counter-mythology: even when afflicted, the human mind sees itself.
And in itself, it sees solutions. |
