- Can't Take a Compliment?
- By Helen Ksypka
“Putting ourselves down,
is an insult to our worth.” --Helen Ksypka
Have you ever noticed how women
dodge compliments as if they’re bullets?
You look terrific.
Oh, please; I’m a mess.
That’s a beautiful blouse.
This old thing?
You did a super job.
Not really.
What a great dinner.
It was nothing.
It was nothing. That one really
gets me. Why do you think we women are taken for granted and
treated as if we can and should do it all? When we prepare a
meal, a party, or holiday, believe me it’s a big, fat something.
If someone compliments us, we need to acknowledge that we knocked
ourselves out, and say: thanks for noticing.
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If you think I’m blowing
this out of proportion, let me tell you how resisting compliments
hurt one woman’s business.
I spotted a top-notch brochure
and knew I’d found the graphic artist I was looking for.
When I contacted her and raved about the superb layout, color
choices and her eye for detail, she not only found fault with
every compliment, she cited additional flaws, hellbent on convincing
me that the whole brochure could have been better. |
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Guess what? I ran for the hills.
If she didn’t think she was so hot, why the heck would I
hire her? And you know something? When I studied her work, again,
I started to believe that maybe she wasn’t so talented after
all. (But on the other hand, if she had just kept her mouth shut
and accepted my compliments, I would have scrutinized no further,
happy to be a new client.)
Perhaps recipients of compliments
think that by undermining praise, it makes them appear humble.
It doesn’t. Instead it sends a message that screams:
I’m not worthy.
I feel ill at ease.
I have no confidence.
And what about the people doling
out the compliments? They feel they’re going out of their
way to show recognition, so even if the recipient rebuffs out
of insecurity, it leaves the compliment-giver feeling unappreciated,
frustrated, or duped that his or her observation wasn’t
very astute.
Now think about this for a minute.
There’s a steady supply of people who seize any opportunity
to point out our weaknesses and shortcomings. They stomp on our
ideas, dismiss our efforts, and diminish our dreams. So when
compliments are handed to us on silver platters, why, oh why
would we pass up positive reinforcement?
Because it’s an insidious
habit, but it’s a habit that can be consciously reversed
with practice.
If we don’t think we look
so great today, but someone thinks we do, why knock it? If someone
thinks we did an outstanding job, let’s bask in the glory.
We need to ditch the attitude: “I’m not perfect enough”
and give credit to ourselves and to the people who acknowledge
us and our efforts. We all deserve compliments. And we deserve
to take them.
Copyright 2004 by Helen Ksypka |
Beauty Secrets of the World
