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Tempering Temper
By John Minard
I'm almost always a calm and
collected person. Or at least I think I am. Yet on rare occasions,
when I least expect it, some set of circumstances, emotions,
or harsh words will override my calm capacity and spark a momentary
surge of temper. 'Ever happen to you?
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For instance, I remember a business
meeting where I once felt that one individual was chopping down
every idea I suggested - often before I'd finished explaining
it. After a few rounds of interruptions, I retorted: "Well,
if you'd let me complete an idea, it might not be as bad as you
think." The tone of my remark put a hush on the meeting.
Embarrassed by my response, I resolved to stay quite during the
rest of the meeting. The other person didn't say much either.
Actually I felt really bad about barking at that person, who
probably didn't even realize they were cutting me off.
A day or two later I got up the
courage to give this person a call. We both apologized and agreed
that temper had gotten the best of us. Our moment of mutual contrition
became a quiet pact of mutual respect. In subsequent meetings
we became better listeners, especially to each other, and often
supportive of each other's ideas. |
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Over the years I've learned a lot
about tempering, and even eliminating temper or anger in my thoughts
and words. It can be done! One of my favorite spirituality writers
Mary Baker Eddy states this point simply: "The good in human
affection must have ascendancy over the evil, or happiness will
never be won. (Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures)"
Over the years, I think I've
gained much greater control over temper and anger by cultivating
the good in my human affection so it can have ascendancy over
any tendency to fight evil with evil. It's like putting on a
hate-proof armor when I strive to see the innate goodness in
myself and others - all others. I like to think of unselfish
goodness as the normal disposition of all of God's children.
Striving to view others this way has, many times, prevented me
from being irked by harsh words, or even malicious acts. Because
siding with unconditional goodness overrides the human nature
to react.
This type of approach is summed
up by the profound truth, known as the Golden Rule, expressed
in many beliefs and moral traditions: "Do undo others, as
you would have them do unto you." Following this promotes
the ascendancy of goodness. It quells temper, cools the hot buttons
of hatred or revenge, and brings dominion and peace to our lives. |
