This Too Shall Pass
By Jennifer Snyder

One day, I will remember the first quarter of 2004 with a smile. For now, I’ll remain positive with the knowledge that it’s been a time packed with “lessons” for me.

With my coaching and workshop clients, I sometimes utilize a Life Balance Wheel. The Balance Wheel is a tool that divides an individual’s life into eight segments and by using it they are able to document a current level of satisfaction in each of the areas. Frankly, there were days this winter when I could have written a woe-is-me country western hit more easily than completed a Life Balance Wheel and felt comfortable about what I saw. But here I am - still standing - and the lessons have proven valuable. I would like to share with you a little bit about what I’ve learned. Lesson Number One: “This too shall pass.” Much of my recent focus has been on my mother. It isn’t easy for daughters to see their parents growing older and dealing with health issues. It also isn’t fun for any woman to coordinate a move - her own, her parents’, her childrens’, or her friends’.

Recently, I was faced with moving my mother from her neighborhood of thirty-two years to a retirement community. Yes, our family has known for two decades that this would happen someday, but that didn’t make it any easier when the someday arrived.

Between the call Mom received that she had six weeks to move and the actual change of residence, she was diagnosed with cancer. One moment I was anxious about arranging my workshops around a U-Haul schedule. The next minute, I was terrified that my mother would become increasingly ill.

Through it all, I remembered growing up and hearing Mom say, “This too shall pass.” As a life coach, I know this to be true. At any given time it might not feel like it, but we human beings really are resilient and can handle quite a bit. However, as a woman trying to keep several emotion-laden plates in the air, in my moments of doubt, I questioned. But it is true - this too shall pass - because events are simply events until we attach a perception to them. We have the choice to be dramatic and doubtful, or to do whatever it takes to get through difficult times. I am delighted to report that Mom and I had tremendous support and on “Move Day” she was completely settled by dinnertime. Next week she begins her radiation regimen with a positive spirit.

Lesson Number Two: Appreciate your history.

Like many daughters, as I grew up my mother bored me to tears with stories about her extended family, her marriage to my father, and her career in nursing. My attention was always focused on the many “important” things I had to do - navigating a teenaged social life, understanding relationships, or raising my own children. As a result, her stories got little more than the obligatory polite response so I could be off in my next adventure.

Recently, I went through my mother’s possessions and came across items I’d seen or heard about for years but rarely paid much attention to. Knowing that Mom was downsizing and would no longer have room for these belongings, I had to evaluate their importance in my life. Memories of growing up among certain objects and realizing Mom wouldn’t be around forever made me more appreciative of my family’s history, Its’ memorabilia, the hundreds of pictures, my father’s first medical bag, and Mom’s mixing bowls all now hold places of honor in my home.

Lesson Three: Surround yourself with what matters most.

Mom has dealt with mobility concerns for the past ten years, forcing her to move into progressively smaller homes and rid herself of extraneous possessions. At first, it was a mindless task to dispense with tools, children’s books, or my dad’s belongings following his death. Mom’s latest move was to a one-bedroom apartment, requiring her to be very mindful about what mattered most. She cut both her library and her collection of decorative items by about eighty percent. I don’t believe I could have done it.

The lesson I learned is to spend focused time deciding what is most important in your life - both people and possessions - and honor them. Surround yourself with items that evoke happy memories. Let the people who mean a great deal to you know that you appreciate them and the role they’ve played in your life. Through the hectic pace of our everyday life we tend to accumulate too many things and much is left unsaid.

Lesson Four: Practice self care.

With the additional responsibility of helping Mom move, my schedule became busier and I had less time to practice self care. More days than I care to admit were spent simply handling the basics. What I do know is that, in the midst of the chaos, I felt immensely better when I took time to nurture myself. Women cannot give to others what they do not have within themselves. We must replenish our own resources in order to supply our loved ones with what they need. Take care of yourself even when it seems like you have the least time to do so.

Every one of us is faced with periods of “lessons”. They may run the gamut of job transitions, relationship upheavals, or finding ourselves drafted into the ranks of the Sandwich Generation. But we know that what we focus on expands and trying to focus on the positive makes any situation easier. We also know that we learn things from our important lessons. They help us to grow and better navigate similar experiences in the future.

May you navigate your valuable lessons with ease and understanding, reminding yourself that “this too shall pass”. May you be able to smile about difficult times very soon after reaching the other side. Finally, may you appreciate your own rich history, surround yourself with what you value most, and practice revitalizing self care so your days are uniquely meaningful and rewarding.