You Just Love What You Love
By Jennifer Snyder

If you’re the mother of a teenager, what I’m about to describe should make complete sense to you. You might even be happy to know that someone else is experiencing a common “terror”. If you have grown children, feel free to breathe a much deserved sigh of relief and accept my congratulations. And if you have little ones, this may serve as your crystal ball, but rest assured that you will get through it too.

For the past few years, car rides with my teenage daughter have elicited feelings similar to those of being on a roller coaster. You know, that palate of ponderings that lie anywhere between “Okay…I can handle this,” to “Am I really going to get out of here alive?” While this ride could be called Tower of Terror, The Scream, or Whiplash, it is really just Conversations on the Way to School. Even when everything was hunky-dory between Stephanie and me, I’ve seen teenage angst transform my beautiful, caring child into a fury so powerful that even Frodo Baggins couldn’t get past it. And since most children know that mothers love unconditionally, we often receive the brunt of every perceived injustice in our teens’ lives. Never being quite sure what I was facing, I became hesitant to reveal too much of myself for fear of hearing reckless teenage judgments. Some times it seemed I had nothing to worry about. At other times, I was wise to limit inquires to simple events of her day.

And in rare instances, I was doing well to keep the car on the road while my otherwise considerate teen vented about all that was “wrong” in her world.

This explains the mixture of trepidation and joy I experienced when I not only had an enchanting conversation with my daughter, but also learned a valuable lesson.

On a recent weekday morning, with the sun shining on our ride to school and plenty of time before the bell rang, I turned on my tape of show tunes. A few minutes later, I cut my eyes toward the passenger seat.

Is she squirming yet, I wondered?
No, everything appeared to be normal.

I acted upon an impulse to describe the musical’s plot.
She seemed interested.

My confidence grew and I recounted a few work-related experiences.
She listened, and even nodded appreciatively.

Braver still, I brought her up to date on my guilty addiction, Survivor.
She actually laughed!

Becoming slightly uneasy with this record setting flow of positive communication, I recovered with self-deprecating humor.

“Broadway, Survivor… what a loser, I am,” I said, using my hand to form an outdated “L” on my forehead. Spontaneously, my daughter countered,

“You’re not a loser, Mom! You just love what you love.”

As I dropped Stephanie off at school, there were feelings of great joy (with a short period of necessary recuperation) coming from her unexpected compliment. As I drove to my first appointment, her words swam in my head.

“You just love what you love.”

I realized that what I had shared with my daughter were things, both meaningful and inconsequential, that I am passionate about. She heard what excited me most and gave me the key to what we all so desperately want - happiness. Stephanie’s simple remark was a reminder that focusing our time and our energy on what we love will make us happy. And the best part is, it’s true both personally and professionally.

If I’m feeling overwhelmed and out of balance, will buying an expensive new dress really rejuvenate my spirit? Probably not. But what I know for sure is that if I crawl under a flannel blanket for a few hours, with a Coastal Living magazine and a cup of tea, I can later take on the world. Self care doesn’t have to be glamorous or expensive. It can be as ordinary as a candle’s glow, fresh flowers, your favorite pajamas, or listening to a bubbling stream. Its only prerequisite is to make you happy and able to deal with the parts of your world you don’t love.

Doing what we love professionally adds that magic ingredient of passion to our formula for success. I’ve held positions I didn’t enjoy and it was miserably evident to everyone. I literally counted the days until I could leave. On the other hand, ask me to talk about my passion for working with women and you may be listening for a very long time.

Ask yourself these questions and pay attention to your responses.

What makes you happy at home? How do you love to spend your time? What activities calm your soul and rejuvenate your spirit? If you could surround yourself with things that bring you joy, what would they be?

What do you love to read about, hear about, think about, and talk about? What kind of work would you do even if you didn’t get paid? What do you like most about your job? What career would you try if you weren’t afraid or money wasn’t an issue?

Your answers might just hold the key to your personal and professional happiness.

“You just love what you love.”

I’m happy to say that there’s light at the end of my “teenage years tunnel”. Conversations with Stephanie are now mostly fun and easy. She is rapidly approaching her final quarter of high school and this time next year, I might even miss taking her to school. While we’re still riding together this year, I’d better take advantage of it and listen well. There is insight, wisdom, and truth in my daughter’s words.