What is Self Care?
By Jennifer Snyder

Welcome back!

In last month’s column, I encouraged you to take some time each day away from your “to do” list, to practice self care. I laid the groundwork by defining self care as “combinations of fulfilling activities or quiet moments that allow individuals to rejuvenate their energies and regain their joy for life.” I even suggested that you would feel better if you followed through with my challenge. How did it go?

This month, I would like to focus on some specific ways for defining self care. Every individual will have a different list. This will depend entirely on you and what practices make you feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually rejuvenated.

We often see television commercials that equate self care with relaxing in a quiet bath, filled with plenty of hot water and bubbles. You know, “Calgon, take me away”. And the couple whose lives were changed by taking a Caribbean cruise. Or, the endless internet companies that entice you to spend hours online for intellectual fulfillment. There’s nothing wrong with any of these alternatives, as long as they serve as your definition of nurturing practices. Ask yourself, “What activities am I most passionate about? What pastimes do I get so caught up in that I lose track of time? What hobbies leave me feeling energized about life and more connected to myself?” Are you at a loss for ideas; perhaps because you can’t get your “to do” list to step aside for a moment? Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, suggests another kind of list-making:

List five hobbies that sound fun.

• List five classes that sound fun.
• List five skills that would be fun to have.
• List five things that you used to enjoy doing.
• List five silly things that you would like to try once.

Jennifer Louden, author of The Comfort Queen’s Guide to Life, recommends that you complete the following sentence fifty times and see what it stirs in you: “I never have time to _____ anymore.”

After finishing these exercises you will have new ways to take care of yourself. The thing to remember is that there are no wrong answers here, because it’s completely about what makes you feel more joyful in life.

Another aspect to remember is that there are pastimes called “shadow comforts”.

This is a term that Jennifer Louden uses for activities that can look like self care, but aren’t truly comforting to you. Sure, reading a magazine is better than scrubbing the sink, but do you really enjoy the process? It is relaxing to spend an hour on the computer after getting the kids off to bed, but would spending that time differently nourish your spirit? This might be a distinction for you to make as you choose how to spend your precious time.

Are you asking, “How am I going to add time for self care with everything else that I’m juggling in my life?” That answer will take some time, reflection, and prioritizing on your part. One suggestion might be to negotiate self care time with your spouse or friend. Ask them, “If I take care of the children while you play tennis on Monday night, can you watch them on Wednesday night so I can take a watercolor class?” Or, if you are a single parent, do you have a neighbor that will swap babysitting time? In other words, think of ways to meet both parties’ goals for self nurturing time.

Most importantly, avoid looking at self care as something else to squeeze into an already crowded schedule. I personally believe that women who take care of themselves lead healthier, more meaningful lives, but know that you need to make it work for you. If you would like to talk more about making it work for you, I welcome your call.