Solitude
by Sue Dyson

What mom really ever gets enough quiet time to herself? It's a basic mom need in my books. If you aren't used to taking time for yourself, you're in for a treat. I'll explain why it's so necessary for our well-being, how to get into the habit, what it isn't, where to get it, and some of the benefits of establishing it as a ritual. The benefits are far-reaching.

Alone time, solitude, whatever you want to call it, is essential for our spiritual, emotional and physical well-being. It provides us with an opportunity to let go of everything we have become, everything that we do, everything we are to everyone in our life, to return to who we truly are. Done effectively, regularly, religiously, it strengthens our core. This strength enables us to be more effective, efficient and most importantly, joyous. If you aren't used to taking time for yourself, you may find it to be a gradual, and even ongoing, process. You need to take that initial step. It may mean making a date with yourself, setting things up, letting the entire family know and get used to the idea. They will resist change!! It's human nature. But persevere. Your sanity is worth it, don't you think? Time to yourself is NOT running errands, working outside the home, or commuting time. I don't know why. It just doesn't count. Alone time is when you don't have to be doing anything for anyone else. Alone time is strictly YOU time. A filling-of-your-cup-time. Personal time. And personal time without guilt, please! Sure, you may have been away from the kids with work or other responsibilities, but trust me, everyone will benefit when you return from your mom time refreshed, happier, more peaceful and ready to carry on. It won't take long for the family to realize what a great thing mom time is.

What you do during your personal time is just as important as where you take it. Take your time with the intention of reconnecting with your Self. Is it journaling? Writing? How about personal planning? Creating a vision for yourself, your life, determining the steps required to get you there?

In case you haven't quite established how to do this, consider the following:

Lock yourself in the bedroom with your journal, books, a good cup of tea.

Find a comfortable coffee shop. I have a favorite here in town where I can order a huge cup of tea, sit at a table in the corner and write. Nobody bothers me. I stay until I feel ready to go home.

Sit yourself down at a quiet beach. The comforting swoosh of the waves, the spiritual connection to the flow of water, nature. Nothing more soothing. Don't forget your journal and a dose of sunblock if need be.

Your public library. It has built in quiet. As long as you can keep yourself away from the kids' section. And you must. How many times have you taken the kids to the library and never really had the chance to look around at the adult section?

A meditative walk in nature. This is my church, my place of worship. Feel yourself reconnecting.

Or, imagine this one! Ooh, luxury! Going away to a hotel for a weekend by yourself. Aaaah. Imagine. If you want it, you can make it happen! Don't forget to dream big.

With alone time, you may expect to feel more peaceful, focused, re-energized, lovable and loving. Now how's that for benefits? Pretty nice.

You may still find some resistance to this practice, making excuses to yourself for not indulging. There will always be chores, so get over it. We will never be done our to-do list. It will be there when you get back. Let it go. It's natural to feel this resistance. It is an indulgence AND the benefits of taking mom time far outweigh any detrimental effects of you not being there. You just have to try it. Sometimes we think our life will cave in if we don't attend to it 24/7. Guess what? It won't. It will all be there when we get back, just as we left it. Isn't that comforting!?

Getting away on our own is just one of those constants we need to adjust for in life. One of the biggest challenges to motherhood is the illusion of no time to yourself. It's actually there, you just have to take advantage of it, plan for it. The benefits are oh so sweet.